Life of Me

Life of Me...

Its 27th Jan  2013 with a pleasant rain waking me up. Past few days have made me realize the importance of living lonely with no family/friends/relatives to catch-up. Primarily with no JOB to catch up.

After living in a place for 28 years for the first time in my life i moved out of my comfort zone pushing myself to Sydney an all together new continent in pursuit of happiness. I knew that I would be all alone, feeling desperate with no one to talk around. This was part of a big plan for my migration. Only thing i missed while calculating this was - its easier to plan than face it.

I keep pushing myself for every new job posting related/unrelated everyday changing my resume as per their requirements only to hear back a NO from them. Not that my resume is bad. In my homeland the same resume fetched 3-4 offers (yes offer letters ). Things are very different in Sydney.

My daily chore starts with hourly checking of job offers on seek, applying, anticipating calls, eating, facebooking, watching a movie/videos on youtube,revising some new topics for the day.

I wait eagerly for the clock to tick 7 PM as I go for a jog in the Ryde Community Service centre , a lush green ground with quite serene ambience. I jog for 30 mins approx and after relaxing for sometime head back to home to join my regular self.

Life without Mom...

As far as i remember i was with mom for the past 28 years. Since my dad was not that supportive i had to shoulder up her responsibilities from a young age as it was getting difficult for her to manage too many things in her kitty. Even though we disagree on some things and we fight, we end up closing the issue and the state of normalcy prevails. She loves me a lot. Infact she never imagined me away from her. It is a Hard fact for her to accept that i had to move out for my Good. She is my first well-wisher and she would do anything for me.

Everyday i call her upon just to ask the  regular questions, both of us know the Q & A's its the assurance that we both get when we hear upon each other's voice. We spend asking the same Question again and again "Wat Else" though we know there is nothing more new in both of ur lives. Just to ensure that the call remains unended we continue the call.

It was a tough call to leave her all alone and move out. But with a bigger picture in mind i had to take the call. If i can't achieve what i wanted to at this point I fear I would never get it. I tell to myself to maintain my composure when i talk to her and make sure that i never tell her that "I MISS YOU MOM". Coz i never miss her. Though i stay away from her I am close to her.

Hope the day comes soon when i would be back with her and take care of her.

Life without D...

D has been in my life since 2009 and never was a day that we missed upon each other. She is lovable, naughty and always agrees to what i say. Sometime her possessiveness makes things difficult for me. But i try to console myself that it is her un-controllable love towards me that  makes her act illogically. I had huge plans with her. We dreamt of bigger goals and she supported me to think bigger.

We fight a lot and she is adamant to come back. So i try to make up for us. She knows that. It has its own repercussions. Today if i had to keep my most possessive thing with someone, it is D. So was the reason that i could move here entrusting her to take care of my mom (my most possessive love). Unfortunately she could not understand this. She feels i am keeping her in charge of my responsibility but little did she realize that it is my life that iam entrusting her to look upon.

D loves me more than i love her and she expects me to do the same. I have my own way of expressing my love. Just because she says that she loves me the most, more than her parents, i could not say so. We are two different individuals and each one of us have our way of expressing.

But as the saying goes Loving each other means accepting each other the way we are.

Sometimes i feel annoyed as to why she can't understand this. But i try to accept her this way.

Life without friends...

Being always occupied with some or the other work/event and having a friend who was always there for me to spend some time, the past few years have been splendid. I realize it now. I made good friends (the ones whom i can call upon midnight and ask them to come and meet me) over the past few years and today I miss them deeply. Now i understand how was i able to LIVE my life for the past 28 years at one place never feeling bored. To make new friends it would take a longer time as every other roommate now has his own cohort gang and they do not have time to spend with me. It is quite atrocious on my part to expect them to come out of their comfort zone to spend time with me.